The Regifter Grifter

Otto and I are fairly traditional when it comes to celebrating Valentine's Day. We go out to dinner, exchange cards, and I usually get flowers. Sometimes I buy Otto his favorite candy although he has never given me candy for any holiday or occasion. That was the case until February 14, 2004.

When Otto got home from work he was hiding something behind his back and grinning at me. Of course I was curious, isn't Valentine's Day really just another gift collecting holiday for us girls? He hands me a small heart-shaped box of candy. It is the kind of chocolates that you pick up at Walgreens for four or five dollars for your mom or grandma. Well I was thrilled, I love that kind of stuff!!! Otto had never bought me candy and he was being so thoughtful. I could tell that he was pleased with himself.

So we go to dinner and have a lovely time. When we get home I am ready to have some of those chocolates. I hesitate at first: the cellophane wrapping is missing from the box. Is someone trying to poison people on Valentines instead of Halloween? Surely not. So I lift the heart-shaped lid to take my chances. What?! All my radars are going off now! There are two pieces of chocolate missing. How do I know this? There are two empty wrappers. I go looking for Otto.

When I find my husband I tell him that if he wanted to eat part of my gift that was fine, but at least try to be a little sneaky and toss out the evidence. Otto can not confess to something he has not done. He didn't eat any of the candy and this was where his "thoughtfulness" got him in trouble. One thing my husband can not do is lie, he'll keep mum, but he can't tell lies. I eventually get the details of the mysterious box of candy out of him.

There was a meeting for some visitors in Otto's office that day and his assistant had bought boxes of candy to put in the conference room. She was the one who bought the Valentine's candy and some stranger ate two pieces out of the box. When Otto was shutting everything down that evening he saw a lone box of candy sitting on the table. He brought it home and silently implied that he bought it for me for Valentine's Day.

I wasn't mad at all, but I did give him a lot of grief. What I couldn't understand is how he thought I wouldn't be onto his scheme. The most unfortunate part for him is that he has to live down this story until I forget it. That used box of chocolates cost him a lot, I almost feel sorry for him.